Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sweet Nell, Sweet Rest
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Cancer, Sin
Monday, January 12, 2009
Hope
We have been voluntarily imprisoned in our home by this terrible disease called cancer. Four weeks ago my mom & dad moved in & hospice became a household name as we are caring for my 65 year old mother who is living out her final days with us. Because of the type of cancer she has we have to have eyes on her 24 hrs due to frequent vomiting.
So tonight, while watching her I looked out the window and saw a beautiful snowfall. I seized the moment, let Steve watch mom and ran outside with camera in hand. In the cool of the wintry night I snapped a few shots of our herbal garden under a blanket of fresh fallen snow and I was refreshed. Amidst the dead of winter, I breathed in the promise of the hope of spring as the ground received moisture to grow what was to come.
Oh God, my Father, in this winter of my life, give the promise of things to come, the hope of things that will grow from this dark time.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sunrises, Sunsets
The following was written by Evelyn, Nell's wonderful daughter, my marvelous wife on December 28, 2008. Evelyn has been the main caregiver now for these 28 days that Nell has been in our home.
Tonight I watched the sun set. The hues of orange, pink, purple & red were brilliantly splattered across the sky in a breathtaking display.
How interesting that sunrises & sunsets share such brilliant colors, announcing their arrival.
Such is life & death. One is ushered in, another out, yet both are brilliantly controlled by the hand of the master artist - God.
Sometime I fear the dark, but without the dark do we really appreciate the light? In heaven I know we will, but in our feeble earthly frames we must have the struggles to see the blessing of His hand walking us through.
When will the sun set on my mother's earthly life? Only God knows, but with the dark, will come light again... and for that I wait.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Breath
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:21-24 NKJV)
The room is filled with the sound of breathing. Mom takes slow shallow breaths followed by a deep gasp. The pump meant to draw fluid from her stomach hisses randomly. The oxygen generator whooshes and sighs. The pump at the end of the bed changes the pressure in the ballasts of the mattress on regular intervals. Occasionally the furnace kicks on to add the sound of rushing air through the house.
For 47 ½ years they have been married. They dated for three years before that. He sits and holds her hand.
"Stay with me," she whispers.
"I will stay with you and go as far in this as the Father let's me go with you. I'll be here to your last breath," he assures.
I've watched him rub her feet, sing her songs and read the scriptures. He has cleaned up her vomit, bathed her and sat for hours holding her hand. He has caressed her brow, rubbed cramps out of her legs and put lotion on her back. He has cried. He has prayed. Her suffering has caused his prayers to change from cries for healing to cries for a final breath. "Send Your angels. Take her to Your eternal rest."
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Resting
It would appear that Nell's medicines are finally reaching the goal. Tonight she is resting much more peacefully than she has been.
Evelyn was able to get out by herself for awhile earlier in the evening. She went to a place of prayer and returned somewhat refreshed.
Dad Steffes experienced Louies Coney Island for the first time yesterday evening. I'm not sure if that was refreshing or just dangerous. Oh, he didn't eat alone. We all three scarfed down hot dogs slathered in mustard, chili, onions and cheese. Yes, we had fries with that. None of us were moving real quick tonight.
All kinds of encouragement has come in from various sources. Yesterday I received an email from our daughter's mother-in-law. In it she included a couple of quotes:
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let his presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us. (Saint Theresa)
Do not complain about thorns among the roses....Give thanks for roses among the thorns.
We all read this email and we wept a bit. It was just the encouragement we needed at the moment. It made me think of a message I preached not long on Peace. Col 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Two words, well actually the same word in both verses stands out. "Let." The Greek word in verse 15 means to rule and in verse 16 it is Greek for to inhabit.
The idea is that God's peace is available to all of His children and that peace will rule on the throne of our lives if we will "let" it. The word of God will inhabit us if we "let" it.
How is this done? How do we lay down all the heavy load of life? How do we stop the financial pressures and the health issues from invading our every waking thought? Go to the Word. Stop. Take a breath, a deep, slow breath. Now remember this. Ps 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Ps 46:11 The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah
Now, "let" that thought invade your soul and mind. God is God, not you and certainly not me. Be still and know this truth. That God who is God is with us, that is present in whatever situation you find yourself in. He is there and He will be exalted. He will get glory out of your situation. He is your refuge, that is a place to go and hide and "let" His peace rule on the throne of your heart.
And know this: Ro 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Joh 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
My Friend, be at peace. Be at rest.
All Scriptures are from the New King James Translation.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Stumbling Blocks and Blessings
At Nell's request hospice tried increasing her medications so she would sleep most of the time. It worked for about 12 hours. Now she is awake more than she is asleep and her pain is increasing. She is agitated much of the time and she is hallucinating.
Tonight we dropped one of the medications, increased another and cried more. The crying just happens. The further changes in Medications is in the hopes of reaching the goal of Nell being peaceful.
Blessings
Some of our people have made sure we have food and have had to do very little cooking. Thank you. The food had been delicious... I'm not sure if it's the flavor or the love we are tasting. "Taste and see that the Lord is Good." (Ps 34:8a)
As I shared Nell's condition with the church tonight I saw tears in several eyes. "Weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15b) Those tears are like hugs even though we are across the room from each other. They show you are listening and hearing our wounded hearts.
Lord willing, a lady will be following the Lord in baptism on this Sunday. Praise God!